I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
