I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
