We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
