I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
