capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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