the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Soap is not a condiment
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
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