Have you finally orgasmed yet?
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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