If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Randomize
