Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
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