Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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