Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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