dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
