You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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