So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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