this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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