Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
