You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
