I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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