There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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