My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
