when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
