nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
