Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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