So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Randomize
