as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
