life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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