all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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