worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
did you just send me my own nude
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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