Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
