dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
