He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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