you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
