After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
