I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
