A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Randomize
