The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
