his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
