he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
