these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
