Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
