Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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