The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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