im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
