The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
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