Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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