yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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