So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
