someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Your shirt... Was in my pants
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
