I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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