I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
