I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
