jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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